I do not see how people could give this hotel such excellent reviews. I recently worked in a AAA 5 Diamond property in Las Vegas for 4 years and as such I expect a lot from a resort that claims to be 5 stars. I was obsessed with Trip Advisor before my trip to EPM and I have to say that I had rose colored glasses on when reading the negative reviews- I completely turned the other cheek and only focused on the positive reviews...in hind sight I wish I had of given the negative reviews more merit. This hotel is very deceiving, it is beautiful on the outside but when you really get down to it there is no way this resort is anything above 3 stars.
THE SCENARIO: Dates of Stay = May 5 -May 10
My husband and I were there to celebrate our 1 year anniversary trip accompanied by my best friend and her boyfriend, she was celebrating her 30th birthday. We range in age from 27-34 and our taste levels also range - my friend and I have pretty high expectations when selecting a resort while the guys are more laid back and only care about the food and the beverages...however with that said we all agreed that we would never ever come back here nor could we in good conscious recommend this resort to any of our friends.
THE HOTEL and GROUNDS: The grounds are beautiful, very immaculate with beautiful plants and sculptures abound. The pools are gorgeous and were the best part of this resort. The lobby was nice but lacked in detail. It also had a very odd scent, kind of like an old used cigar.
THE ROOMS: My husband and I booked a 2 story Rooftop Terrace Suite and my friends booked a Swim Up Suite. We were both in Building 7. Our room was right next to the construction but it really did not disturb us. The room was never decorated with the Anniversary Package decor. At first glance the room was very nice but again when you got down to the details it was 2nd rate. Both of our rooms smelled like a toilet - seriously! It smelled the way a bathroom smells at a campground - like musty urine. Once we opened up the room and sprayed Lysol it got better...or maybe we got used to it. The linens were scratchy and the mattress was cheap. The shower was nice and probably the only good thing in the room. As mentioned in previous reviews, the bathroom "door" can pose a problem if you and your significant other are not comfortable with going to the bathroom around each other. There is not much counter space to lay your makeup out on but it is workable.
THE FOOD: In a word....DISGUSTING! I seriously have a hard time with the reviews that talk about how great the food was. Nothing is fresh; everything is either frozen or instant. The cuts of meat were terrible at both Chez Isabelle and The Grill. The mashed potatoes at both restaurants were instant. Every single dessert we had tasted like it was thawed and had the taste of freezer burn. The Lobster House was just all right, nothing great just mediocre. Agave was probably the worst and since it was Mexican food it should have been the best. The breakfast was salvageable only because of the French Toast and fresh fruit. Not one person in our group liked the food and by the 3rd day of our trip we couldn't even look forward to any meal because we knew what it was going to taste like. I recall one review where the person said that they had the best Caesar salad ever at the Grill - my friend and I were underwhelmed with the salad to say the least, it literally had no taste - dressing was bland, the parmesan cheese was bland, and the croutons, like everything else, had the taste of freezer burn. You could get a better Caesar salad from a fast food restaurant. Both my husband and my friend’s boyfriend will eat just about anything and they likened the food to what you would get at a school cafeteria. We could not wait to get back home to actually eat some decent food. I actually get queasy inside thinking about the food at Agave. The funny thing is that they do this elaborate little presentation when they unveil the food and by the 3rd day we were laughing every time they did it because it was like "Walaaa - here is your crappy food"!
THE BEACH: was hit or miss. The seagrass was a problem on some days but other days not at all. Beautiful views from the beach and plenty of lounge chairs.
THE POOL: Fabulous, the view from the main pool to the ocean was beautiful. I did see some people hoarding the pool floaties but for the most part everyone was really cool about letting you use them when they weren't....all you had to do was ask. The pools surrounding the rooms were very peaceful and relaxing - we switched back and forth depending on whether or not we wanted to relax or socialize with everyone. We met a lot of cool people at the main pool and it was a fun atmosphere. The pools at night are gorgeous, a real feature of the resort grounds.
THE ENTERTAINMENT: Like all of the other reviews the nightly entertainment was pretty lame. It was just nice to relax at Cafe Kafe and listen to the music. However, if you are in Building 7 like we were, be prepared to hear everything from your room - the worst was on Karaoke night!
THE STAFF and SERVICE: For the most part I thought the staff was great; the only exception was the Front Desk Staff. They seriously need a lesson in customer service. We arrived at the hotel at 12:00 PM and waited for our room until 4:30 PM. I knew check-in was not until 3:00 PM and I know that even with that you don't always get your room on time, it was just the way they handled it. The only way to describe it is to say that they are very disconnected from the guest and unsympathetic.
MEDICAL STAFF: Pray that you do not need to see the Hotel Doctor's for any reason. I fell while on property and hurt my knee - there is an unlighted step by the theater at Cafe Kafe and I missed it and fell on my knee. We called the front desk to have one of the doctor's come look at it and right away the doctor they sent just wanted to give me a shot in my knee - wouldn't tell me what it was just said do you want the "stuff that will make you happy or the stuff that will make you sleepy” I responded with neither and then he decided to start mocking me. He told me that I better not call him in the middle of the night if I was in pain because he would not come if I needed him to. I was like whatever and was just creeped out by him at this point. He finally looked at my knee and told me it was broken and that I should go to the hospital immediately. He was insistent that it was broken and I knew it was not broken; it just needed an ace bandage to stop the swelling. The doctor was so shady and at this point I did not trust him at all. As he was leaving he told me that it would be $120 for the visit and I said what is that for and he said for the medication (he gave me some pills to take for later on that night) and the treatment (i.e. the gauze he wrapped around my knee) I told him he could keep the non-descript medication and that I was not going to just hand him money without speaking to the GM of the hotel. He was not happy to say the least and when I called the hotel manager the next day they said they would have to look into it and call me back - to which they never looked into it, never called me back, and when I left they did not charge me for the visit. I called our friend who is an ER doctor in Pittsburgh and described my injury, he immediately told me not to go to a hospital in Mexico and that at the most it was just a hairline fracture and since I was not in any major pain to just wrap it up, keep it iced and elevated, and take ibuprofen then get it x-rayed in the states. I got it x-rayed today and it is of course not broken.
**In addition to all of the above - every single one of us has a rash on our bodies (lower legs and back) and so far 3 out of the 4 of us have been to a Docotor here in the Statesand they all said that it was a bad bacterial infection caused by the pool or hot tub at the resort - my husband and I were both prescribed Augmentin which is penicillan. and my friend was given some kind of shot today for her rash **
SUMMARY:
5 star rating is deceiving
Food is disgusting
Front Desk Staff lacks customer service skills
Be leery of the Hotel Doctors
Watch out for rashes from the pool/hot tub
Rooms have a foul odor
Beach is hit or miss
Pools are gorgeous
Grounds are beautiful
We would never return or recommend this resort to anyone!!




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